It’s interesting how grief works, or at least how it’s been working for me. A comment by Kat from Feather Factor really nailed it when she said it’s moments of crying/sadness interspersed in a mostly normal everyday feeling. Since I don’t live in the same state as my dad, it’s probably easier for me to feel normal since he’s not a part of my daily life. I’m sure it’ll be tough when I do go back to Hawaii and especially since I have to clean up/pack up his apartment once I’m able to travel with baby (probably sometime this summer). Also since I’m his next of kin (his only child and he’s divorced), the funeral arrangements and official death certificate matters (closing of his accounts and such) are all left up to me. I wish there was someone you could designate as your stand-in for things like this because talk about a burden on top of grief. Luckily, my mom and uncle have been helping me out a lot since I’m stuck here in Cali. Also if you find yourself the next of kin, know your kin’s social security number and their parents’ full names and their mother’s maiden name for the death certificate. These are things I never thought to ask my dad and luckily my mom still had some records of it and my uncle knew my grandparents’ full names.

Anyway I look forward to the coming new year (even more so than Christmas). A fresh new year! Also 2019 is my Chinese animal zodiac year (year of the pig). Fun fact: my mom is also the year of the pig and now my baby will also be the year of the pig. This happens because both my mom and I had/are having babies when we’re 36 (the animal zodiacs cycle every 12 years). Also my husband is the year of the pig. So we’re just going to be a family of piggies lol.